Heartbreak.

I broke his heart and I broke mine twice as much.
I said the words that I never thought I would before,so I got on a cab at a little past one in the morning just to send his stuffs back and I wondered why I couldn't wait till tomorrow.
The ring I got accustomed to wearing is now with him,on his little finger.
He tried to put them back on me but I refused to play along with him.
Words were spoken and I replied with the shrug of the shoulder.
"Do you still love me?"
-"Yes."
-"Do you still want to be with me?"
-"No."
- "why?"
-"Its for the best.I'm done making you pissed,angry.I will never change."
-"*snigger's*I've been in the position before,look at me now."
- "I know myself."
-"You will change with age."
-Silence.
He held on to me in the cold night,refusing to part.
I kept looking ahead,kept assuring myself,comforting myself that it is what I want,it is for the best of both worlds.
I do still love him,but if its fate,we'll let it decide.
"Wednesday" He said,he wanted a decision from me.
"If you love me,why are you doing this to me?"
- "I don't know."
- Silence.
He offered to send me home and when I declined politely,again he kept on saying "there must be someone else!" and I wish he could see that I'm not the kind every typical guy would go for and I know I should consider myself lucky to have someone who truly care and love me for who and what I am all about but I am just a wrong excuse for him to love.I am nobody in everyone's eyes.
I wanted to part. A break up.
He asked for a hug before we parted but I got on a cab and left anyway,but I kept looking back to see him get smaller with the distance.
How much I miss him..
And at this hour,at the comfort of my own home,after the brief conversation over the phone,I realize I don't think I can go on without him in my life.
He asked if he could still get a goodnight kiss and I said sure.
He asked if he could still text or call me and I said sure.
He asked if I was still his girlfriend and I said no.
And at this moment,his words still lingers;
"So these five,six months of us together is going down the drain?Just like that?"
-"No.Its going to be a memory for me to keep."
-"You think its easy to forget?Forget you?How hard it was for me to have you in my life?Please,I really love you.I don't want to let you go.How now?"
- Shrugs my shoulder and sighs.
-"I'll let you go and think about it.I love you.."
-silence.
I am convincing myself that this is for the best,but what is the best?
I am in a rut and where's my friends when I need them..
It doesn't matter,I will make it through this like I have done so for the past 19 years.
I will keep moving on.
And soon,a decision will be made.
P.s:I still love you.