When surrendering..

I have a couple of things I want to say and get done with;

• I think I am going to steal a pack of cigarettes belonging to my Chot since he's away for his National Service,finally becoming a man.A responsible one.
• I need to unvirgin my hair,probably add some colour and get it treated like never before.
• My mom has been home for almost a week now and she's still being a mom.
• Apparently I get a couple of dollars each day for getting the chores at home done
  -Means I don't necessarily have to find myself a job to get myself entertained.
• My tummy doesn't feel right this week.
• I saw my dream come alive and I'm terrified not because I am scared,but because after every dream I am coming to an end.
• I don't want to part with my boyfriend but some choices has to be made.
• I think I am going to have my period and it better come quick.
• Pretending to not be affected and trying my best of effort to smile.
• Dad has a sore neck.
• This house is awfully lonely and cold.
• And I miss my fat-cranky nephew.

So those are the couple of things which I need to high-light mostly to myself.I told Su the other night after we attended Santha's birthday party that I am not addicted to nicotine but I think I told the facts wrong.I think I am and I seriously think it is affecting my health.But nonetheless,I refuse to surrender and I don't understand why I am being stupid when the obvious is slapping me in the face.I am going to die in the hands of cigarettes eventually.Anyways,I took a good look at myself in the mirror yesterday and not that there is anything good to say but I feel like giving myself a change.Something new,something unrecognizable and perhaps lose some pounds.I got exercise tips from the Jerk Ass(I finally get to chat with him for one full day and I think what we have is the weirdest of friendship).Well,mom is finally home! I am ecstatic and being a mom that she is,she never change and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world even with her imperfections and flaws.Anyways,Saha gave me a call earlier tonight and offered me a job.It sounded very appealing by working almost everyday for 12 hours,at Toa Payoh but I am having doubts,the boyfriend doesn't sound keen though he did say it was up to me.More dosh,less time with boyfriend.I can deal with that,or not.haha.When he called me tonight,he told me about the possibility of him going over to some other parts of the world to work and I didn't know if I should stop him or let him chase his dream.Be a supportive girlfriend.Well,my immediate reaction was a bit of both,here's what I said; "Go ahead,but we'll have to break up."
He asked me why and I told him cause I didn't want to be back here at home and worry about his sick ass and besides,theres no way my anxious mind will stop assuming the worst case scenarios.He told me that this issue was going to be a pending discussion when he meets me and we'll see how it goes.
Anyways,yesterday after we went to Chinatown-Little India-Bugis to get his stuffs,I went over to his house and finally I met the whole "chain-gang". Hahaha. His aunt was really nice and sweet and his younger siblings are very welcoming.His mom?Quiet,but acknowledged me as "his girlfriend".
I don't know if there is a future for us together,but I am settling for now,what we have at present.It is good enough.
Well,dad has a sore neck and he walks like a robot now.Its funny but painful to watch at the same time.And Zafran,your aunt here sorely miss you.Come over quick.Have a sleep-over or something.I love you.
Till then,goo night all.
Love,Appreciate.
P.s:I believe in trying.