Another failed attempt.

I slept for the longest time and I was home alone.
It is the most incredible feeling I've had in three damn days but the back of my head is still pounding.I was sleeping in my uniform and that just concludes on how exhausted my body have been.I meant to study but wasted all the hours away on some deserving sleep.I didn't regret it.
haha.
And here I am again awake,with my nose stinging with snort and feeling hot from the inside.
I think I might have caught the bug from Far but its too early to diagnose myself with flu.
We'll see how things are tomorrow.

Well,at this moment as I'm blogging,I am actually frustrated with myself.I am being complacent again.I am taking my studies for granted.Partly because I purposely want it to happen,but on the other hand,I just can't seem to concentrate anyway.Year two is hell-ish.
I feel the time squeezing the life out of me and I am dead scared.
It feels like only yesterday that I started life in ITE.
In two weeks,I'll be sitting for my exams again,and in another 4 weeks,I'll be posted out for attachment again.Than come back to school for another 8-9 weeks and goes back out for clinical attachment and than I graduate.
I will be 20 then.
I am still asking "What the fuck am I going to do after that?".
It bugs me everyday,thinking about how my life would unfold in the future.

• Will I sleep in the streets,what job is there for me out there if nursing is not what I actually want to pursue for the next 20 years of my life(if I even get that far) and most important of all;
• How will I embrace life on earth while I can?
• Am I going to make a difference in anybody's life?Will I learn to love someone with all my heart?
• Am I going to be able to take the pain of being in labour?What is there after life?
• What is happiness?
• Will I ever be content?

I ask broad questions and get disappointed when no answers is revealed.
Often time anyway,I feel like nobody is listening to me.
Am I speaking too softly?Or was I sub-consciously talking to myself?
I am a person of many words,lacking the presence when entering the room,with a much needed smile to be planted across the face and all I need is a little security for myself.

Recently,I thought I could care for someone else again.I thought I liked someone.I thought I could give it a shot,ignoring my flaws,and his.I thought I am ready again to go a notch higher than where I left off since couple of years ago.
But who am I kidding?I thought wrong.
My brain mocks me.
I know for a fact that I am not capable of keeping my emotions in check if I do.
I wear a 'careless' mask on,when truth is,I care too much.
Sometimes I talk to others,gives them words of wisdom and wonder why didn't I thought about that and imply it in my life when I needed it for a very long time once upon a time ago.
I didn't know.
But what I do know now is that I am feeling slightly off and I should have some rest.
haha.
Apologies for my ramblings,I just needed to get something out of my chest.
Love,Appreciate!
P.s:I guess I changed my mind.