Greying.

I received the most unexpected text message yesterday..
It was from Seb.
At 0820,he told me he would go back to Swiss by Singapore and asked if i would like to meet up with him at Changi Airport.
I was in hospital for my attachment at the time and i hyper-ventilated for a little while in front of my fellow new friends.I couldn't believe that the last goodbye i had with him wasn't really the last after all.So,after 1600,i left immediately out of the hospital compound and headed home to change.I asked Grace along and we had a little race up the elevator at terminal 2 before seeing Seb's face,waiting for us patiently.So we hung out for 5 hours at the airport like homeless hobos.i was feeling off the weather and my headache was killing me but i didn't want to make a big deal out of it because i don't want to leave Seb so soon anyway.He tried to make me go home,but i insisted to stay.
so,we talked,take a couple of pictures when i was looking awful,smoked,laughed and reminisce the good times i guess.
A little voice in my head kept asking; "why did he ask me to keep him company when he can ask his friends?" but i didn't have the guts to of course.
the whole night he kept staring at me..
we were close.
he lend me his shoulder when my head spun like a spinning top,
i had my sweater on but i was still so cold and he kept me warm,
he made me smile,he poked me-my weakness.
and when the watch struck 2300,he had to check in.i had never said goodbye to someone for good before.not at the airport at least.
i hugged him for the lastest time and this time,i think i made a memorable one..
It didn't affect me when i said goodbye to him..
as i watch him walk through that glass door in the departure hall,when i see him get red in the face,probably holding back on his own emotions,when he kept turning at the checking in counter,and when he finally disappears in the duty free store.
i felt nothing.
my guts spun at the airport after i thought i was doing ok and the goodbye wouldn't bother me,but i rushed to the toilet to puke.
the world was already spinning,and i was so confused,didn't know what to feel or do.
i puked again when i was in my apartment lift.i couldn't stop thinking.
hot tears rushed down my fucking face.it was terrible.
when i got home,there was this huge feeling of lost.and it so happens that he texted,it made me feel a little more than upset.it made me question my hope,my faith.
he said he might come back when he can afford it,and he said he's going to let me know,in the most promising manner.
And here i am,missing him.wishing he was around for another day or two..
maybe i still want him in my life?but i was doing fine all along,without him.
so God help me.
things are so hectic in my head nowadays i wish i could plunge from up above and fly freely.
roaming the Lamias world,forever.
i don't think i'm going to forget yesterday.
i don't think i'm going to be fine for long,
i think i'm going to crumble,and fall.hard.
take care guys.
Love,Appreciate!
P.s:save me,say a little prayer for me.