So you were sleeping.

I have today and the weekends left before clinical posting starts.
I am half excited and half not looking forward to it.
At least I know Iffah is going to be in the same shift as me,so that gives me a peace of mind.
What I'm more worried about is this Jerkass.
Haha.
I don't want him to bum around,but I want him to always be there if I log on the internet.
He has given me so much to laugh,to be angry and sad about.Its been quite an emotional ride.
If you are ever going to find out that I wrote this for you Jerkass,you should at least be proud.haha.
I am going to miss talking to you.I am going to miss you.Generally speaking.
I don't always bitch about you,that you should know.I say good things about you too.haha.

Anyways,I was watching TV last night and I suddenly had a "vision".
I don't know how to say it but it was definitely happening in my head.
When it was finally done,I was crying.And staring at the TV screen blankly.
I was shaking a little and wiped off my tears in embarrassment.I had no idea why I felt so teary.
Here's what came to my mind,it was a dialogue.I was talking to someone,I don't know who but it was someone.I was saying something like "If you go,I expect you to come back alive.Please." and that like a reflex action I cried.
I felt awful after a while and the loud sound coming from what I assume a big bike from the road across my house didn't help given the situation I was in.haha.
It was definitely a gay time.haha.
I was probably affected after reading a recent article about a boy my age who died.I was trying to put myself in the shoes of his friends and loved ones,how I would feel if I were to lose somebody.Forever.
Its not as though its a new thing,but I think growing up and maturing as a person would make getting over and letting go a little harder I suppose.Cause when you're younger and if you lose something,you're going to think about the things that is going to make you have fun and forget all your troubles.But when you're older,with things you hold on to such as memories,I think it gets a lot harder than it may seem.
12 more days and its a year to Panjang's death date.
I still remember how hard I cried.
How Ravi gave me a brotherly over the shoulder hug.How he tried to shake me up to the reality.
How his questions actually still ring in my head "Why are you crying over him when I should be the one upset?I lost a friend when you don't even know him?" and he smiled at the irony.
I just shrugged and whispered "I don't know why I cry.I think it is unfair."
And the night went on till the next morning,I still feel the dread.Even now.

Well,I just want to remind the people who are close to my heart that I love you guys a lot.
And I would appreciate it if you cross the road using the over-head bridge or use the traffic-light unless its permitted with acceptable reason.haha.
If you guys are driving or riding,please,keep your eyes everywhere on the road!
And especially to those who are having sex,be safe,use gloves!
I don't know why I said that bit on intercourse but yes,BE SAFE!
Take care,
Love,appreciate.
P.s:I think you're the one I want so much,but I don't think I can have you.But at least I have you in my head.