An honest mistake II

What have I gotten myself into?

I am in deep shit with myself.

I told myself to keep away from any intense emotions and stay clear but I get more and more hooked to the obvious opposite.

I am close to tears reading back the silly conversation we had together.
All the ridiculous,emotionally hurting words were thrown around like grenades and never in my whole entire life thought such hatred would turn into adoration.

I won't lie,I extremely dislike you in the beginning but I somehow felt like I could trust you with my secrets,my life cause as much of an ass wipe that you are,you never once judged.
The teasing could get unbearable and I bite my tongue hard to give you a witty come back because unfortunately,I was afraid of what you would think of me.

I want to apologize cause I like you,and I don't want to get in your space but you have this magnetic effect on me,your abusive words ignites something from deep within me.
I'm sure if you had known now,you'd be laughing your ass off,hysterically for me being a fool to maybe fall madly in love with you..
I say things I don't mean and I know you're hurt(surprisingly) and you always reacted as if it didn't matter.
I just want to scrunch your face into a ball and start kissing you forcefully most times,you're too much of an amazing bastard you know?
har har har.
Maybe,I should just stop talking to you,so that this feelings will roll away.
Maybe,I should do just that..

BUT I CAN'T.
For crying out loud God,make me hate him! haha.

Ok,so I got a little carried away with the stupidest conversation I've had with a human being.
This was the plan initially,to keep entertaining a total dick head with his wit on the tips of his fingers and eventually,when things started to simmer,when he got rooted to the ground and started talking normally,I kind of maybe,accidentally,perhaps,Ok I think I'm falling for this jerk twat.
Never in my wildest dream did I thought about falling for a plain old asshole and here I am licking back my thoughts.This is perhaps the most silliest stages of my life and I wish right about now I could disappear cause my heart aches for his company(kiwak,feeling siak!!URGH!)..
I am trying to be patient for him to ask for my mobile number for the second time,but so far,he's just talking to me like his old silly self again.
We have gotten all personal with each other and I am afraid about how open I am towards him..
Not that there is anything to hide or be ashamed of but I am getting a little too comfortable.
Is this even right?
Is this ever normal? har har har har.

I told myself over and over again like what I always do,not to pin on my hopes ANYMORE.
If it happens(which should already since its been 2 dead fucking years!) ,it will happen.
I shouldn't do the chasing or get carried away by my own feelings.
I don't want to constantly get excited and be extremely disappointed in the end all the time.
Its time the pot chases after the kettle.har har har.
I'm going to hang loose and lay back and gaze at the sky.
Till then earthlings,miss me.
Love.Appreciate.
P.s:I secretly want you to believe what I always told you;I want you.