Its already up to my throat and i wish i can let it out and know what the fucking problem really is.
I do know for a fact that number one;
Monty is moving away from me.So far away and i'm not too sure how i am going to be without her.
I don't know how i am going to be able to adapt to not walk about only a kilometer away from my place just to see her.
I don't know how i'm going to be able to adapt to get an hour train ride to see her from whenever she moves.
It sucks to know my one and only annoying-sweet-understanding person/friend i have ever known in my whole entire life is going to be so near,yet so far.
I will miss her company cause no friend of mine lives as near as she does.
There will be nobody for me to call when im short of cancer sticks.
There will be nobody for me to call when I'm feeling down,and she don't need to breathe a word for me to feel better,we would just sit and everything i was feeling then would just seem to disappear and i forget why i'm actually upset for.
There will be nobody for me to listen about rage with boyfriends-quick-breakups-makeups-how pathetic our lives are-talks about living and dying and our views of our separate lives.
I will miss her text messages,her calls in attempts of dragging my two feet out of my shack to meet up with her.
I hope she won't move.I hope nobody would buy her house.lol!
But hey,
Monty,no matter how far apart we really are from each other,you know you still got me and i know for a fact that i have you.
You may have been a bitch but you're a sweet one and i can't love you enough.
You have been one of the few to keep the glow in my life.
ANYWAYS,
sad stories aside,
and back to what i'm feeling.
Is this a sign that perhaps,something's going to happen?
Something big,changing and out of the ordinary?
I don't know if its going to happen to myself or the people around me but this big ball of bad feeling is creeping up on me.
Its over-whelming,like yesterday,when my head hits the pillow,
my tear gland started excreting tears,lots of them for no reason and seconds later,my heart ached so much that i had to force myself to sleep.
I hate this feeling.The last time this happened,Panjang passed away.
On my bloody fucken birthday i received the news.
Ehhhkk.
whatever,I don't want to dwell on it so much.
I'm glad i have David and my girl friends to listen to me and tell me not to think of such negative thoughts.Makes me feel a little a secured at least.
Im talking with David online and he sent me a fucking text,WTF babe,lol!
So,yeah.
Had a test today right,managed to complete it within the first half hour and as soon as i turned my head,everyone else seemed to be happily dozing off.
First it was Mari,than Zee and than Farzana and everyone else including me.
hahaha.
well,
I just thought i need to update what happened to me daily.
Take care,
Love,Appreciate!
P.s:Don't smile too much,you're captivating me.I don't know if its safe anymore.
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