sooner too painful.

Worthy 18 years.
At a little past 00:00 of my birthday,Nana and Kay came under my void deck to spend time with me and they were the first few people who wished me and gave me i would say,a gift.
An ice-cream replaced the existence of cakes on a celebration like this.
They bought B&J's ice cream and we each chose our own flavours.
So,yesterday,i went out.On my birthday.
I didn't spend it with friends.
I spent it with Nana and Ravi.I was contented.I had a good time,and not too mention,an emotional time as well..
A day before i turned 18,Panjang past away and i haven't got it out of my system.
He is nobody to me,and vice-versa.
Yet,yesterday,at 2am in the morning,i sobbed like a child thinking of the tragedy.
Ravi and i were talking about him and Ravi became a wee bit philosophical on life topic and i slowly fell apart.I was laughing like mad one second and breaking down on the other.
I had a short crush on Panjang.That fateful day at the zoo.I thought i would never see him again.
The tall guy at the zoo with knee high boots,walking tall,slow,slim and slender.I was a nobody,just another person visiting the zoo to him.And i remained that.
Than 3 weeks ago,i saw him.Apparently he is friends with Ravi and he used to hang out with Nana.And than i became,Nana's cousin to him.Still,we are indifferent towards each other's lives.
And than 2 nights ago,he's gone.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
A life,so young,so full gone too soon.
As i was crying last night,all i thought about was the way he was like 3 weeks ago..
The way he must have felt leaving behind the family,friends and loved ones..
And how sorry i am for such a great loss for his girlfriend(if he had one).
Ravi tried to console me when I'm the one whose suppose to do so to him.lols.
He remained surprisingly calm.But i know better that inside,he's vulnerable.When i shed tears of over-whelming feelings for Panjang,Ravi's eyes turned red and teary.He kept telling me to cool it,and stop the tears.I couldn't help myself.I had to cry.
He asked me to "let it go Dik.." and i'm like "WTF." to myself of course.haha.
Ravi said; "Dik..all we can do now for him is pray that he Rest in Peace.."
I was imagining his thoughts minutes/seconds before he met his fate.(Panjang)
I am devastated,i don't know why.
And the way Ravi described him at his wake,my heart just sank even further.
He sounded so smart,so good looking.He was even smiling.
And than i started asking myself questions like
"is he still gonna stick around?" "where would he be now that he's no longer alive?".
I even said to Ravi ;
"ohmygod!What if he was listening to what i was saying/asking about him?did he even see me cry?" "this is embarassing!"
Ravi's reply was simple,let me interpret it;
"he might have.and I'm sure he'll ask himself why,someone he doesn't know,and who doesn't know him has the hearts to even shed a tear for his departure."
And so i talked to the space around me "Panjang,if you're around,i liked you." and i chuckled.Ravi just smiled and said looked around with a smile across his face.
But its all a little too late..
The tears haven't stop.
I was still teary-eyed on my way home from Nana's in the bus ride home.
The feeling sucks.It feels like being 11 again.Losing a friend,road accident too.
*Sighs*
Quoted from Ravi;
"Dik,People come and go..
Lets just hold on to memories that we have with the people who came to our life."
And i couldn't agree more.
Anyways,on a lighter note,i would like to give thanks to those who had given me the well of wishes for my birthday.I deeply appreciate it and i won't forget you guys.
Thank you so much once again.
So,take care all.
Remember,
Love,Appreciate!