Eh Bloody jerk,i Love you :/

He endlessly breaks my heart.
Theres the things he do,the things he say which drives me up to the wall.
He makes me want to cry,he makes me want to scream,he makes me want to hug him,he makes me want to kiss him.
But,almost every other day,he comes breaking my heart as easily as picking your nose and when things are better,he forgets about it,with occasions whereby he will bring them up(which is rare).
Priority reason why i think i should tell him how i really feel for him,
second reason is because life is short and i don't want to regret not telling.
But,i'm a pessimist.I always think things will go wrong and yes,as much as i want it to be a great happy ending for 'us',i need to know how he feels too.
And he even have the cheek to say "2 more days to go.."[He means Valentine's.] after he torn my heart into a gabazillion peices.Grrr!
I'm a bloody girl after all despite the way i act-look and i honestly don't have the guts to tell him this crazy-in-your-face-feelings that i bore for him.
And this new song i'm listening to isn't helping.lol.It makes me all romantic-ish instead.
Yes,its actually a good thing haha.
Why is life like this?Can't we not take risk?lols.But thats the thrilling part,no?
Well,at least not for this kind of complicated mess.
'Theres nothing i can do cause i'm falling for you.."-song.haha.
I tried to ignore this feeling,i even tried to stop myself from talking to him,but i fail.
I'm being gay.
I've not done this before.And its really hard to do what i should do,which i don't know what i really should do anyways.
Sometimes,i miss him so much.Sometimes,i want to be with him so much.Sometimes,i hate him so much.lol.
I literally asked God why this is happening and that,if we can't be together in this world(even though i want so much to myself),i pray for the after life,so that at least we can be as one then..
I lack interest in the guys which used to make me all go Ga-ga cause all that's in my head is this moronic-son-of-a-toooot.lol.
He is special,one of a kind,irritating,sweet,straight up honest,high-strung of his looks.
But i don't really care except for my beating bloody heart that is really wanting him to know that it constantly beats to keep me alive for him..lols.
Cheesy eh?But yeah,thats the cold hard truth.
Since 4 months ago,it had been that way.since 4 months ago,there was never a day which went by that i don't think of you.
For the first time ever,i think this is me,being serious in with myself.
My feelings which was like assembling a thousand piece puzzle,finally coming together after years of being in doubt,even of myself.You know what i mean?
My feelings have never been this sure for myself nor for someone else.
But again,he's a bloody jerk.haha.And i have fallen for that bloody jerk!
*sighs a little and smiles*

If there was an angel which can relay messages from one person to another,my angel would read you an essay of my feelings to you..
:')