I miss the sport,I miss the adrenaline rush I get when I could skate by things and people fast and freely.
On occasion,I get to relive that moment again.I'm bad at it,I could have screwed up my back like I once did months ago during the blading day out with the North friends.
Most often than not,I can only miss the good times I've had when I had a pair of blades back then.It was heart breaking when my buckle broke loose.I never got it repaired cause you never saw the point of doing something that interest me,how it would ever benefit me and right now,I am disappointed cause I could have proved you wrong.
But I am not upset because of that.
I am upset because I had many options laid out in my life and all you was just nod by.
You said you'd support whatever,don't you realize all I need was a little push?
I could have been a much better person than today.But I'm no angry,I'm content.
I'm just a little taken aback by how little you think of your only girl sometimes.
How you think I can't make it out on my own.You often dared my opinions but I just shove the feelings in my chest.I don't want to be rude.I suppressed too much inside and I'm too broken to be out there and shine.
I don't have nobody to rely on but myself.
Friends can only make you smile three quarter of a day and sometimes they piss you off like like nobody can.
Its unexplainable.
Some think they know me well enough,some think they could read me easy,and I just nod,shrug and force a smile but truth be told,you know shit about me.
How many messages I left God through my prayers to keep me strong enough crack a smile.
If I hadn't been a coward,I would have broken too many rules,severed tons of friendship and lived the life I've always wanted.
Simple and easy.
I was watching TV and I was touched at how a simple gesture of love could moved me.
I was tearing as soon as I saw the man's lips kiss his child's head.
It was love,an idiot could even tell alright.
I had a dream.I've been having a lot of dreams with different friends,but the only person I could literally dream of dreaming is never there.Not yet,perhaps..
I dreamt of Seb yesterday,I felt how warm his hands was when it filled mine.
How good it felt to be towered over instead of me towering somebody else while embracing.
When we walked,the people at the street just stopped and stared.
I remember it was raining.
We were walking steadily,arm in arm,avoiding puddles and trying to fit under a medium sized-umbrella.
He had a black coat on with dark denim pants with his laptop bag,and I was wearing jeans,a shirt too big and a nice snug jacket.His outfit is not what e would normally wear.
Maybe,it wasn't him?
The comfort of staring into his eyes,how close our face were and swallowing the nervous saliva back into our throat.
We never kissed.
We let the moment take over us and the dream alone made me miss something significant in my life.
I do miss Seb,but romantically,it has faded away.I stopped believing our destiny when he answered my questions not too long ago.
An inch of hope is still there just in case he surprises me with a Singapore vacation someday.
I need sleep,my brain is giving up on me.
Love.Appreciate.
P.s:you never came tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment