blanking.

Today was a pretty short day so to speak,school wise.
I had BCLS lesson and I am honestly pissed at myself.
I don't know why I'm such a fucking lunatic to not be able to concentrate and do everything I'm supposed to in an almost perfect way.
I am feeling way beyond hopeless and I feel like killing myself because of my own stupidity,which I won't do cause if there is a next time,I know I'm going to ace it.
The high-light of today was getting the piece of result slip today.
I could have done better,but I didn't so I suppose,do better if given a next time.
My head needs to be all geared up for this upcoming module cause trust me,its tougher than what it seems.

Distractions only makes me be in the losing end,I don't want to be going forward on my hands and knees.I hate having to struggle.I want to soar and if I could,fly to what I have always dreamed and hopefully die happy.
If not,it'll makes me an angry person,a very angry one.
Like today.
Honest to speak,I wasn't so keen to speak to anyone after BCLS was over,but thank God for the day out to our favourite hang out,Pasir Ris beach.
Made me relaxed and I had quite a ball.
Apart from losing Mari's visor which I am partly guilty about,things were pretty fine and dandy.
Met some TPS people today as well.
And when I reached home,I start to feel like crap again.
I told my mom bout my shitty conduct on BCLS and all she said was "do better next time." looked me in the eye and nodded and its not really helping so much.

Well,
I sat and thought through about stuffs which once made tons of sense and now no longer.
I revisited down the narrow memory lane and truly realized that certain things are meant to be a part of me for as long as I live.
I have let go most of whats no longer important away,pretty much a long time ago and those which has been in my mind longer remained.
Taking a step forward and being pulled back behind again because of the past can be pretty anal sometimes.But all the more worth the while cause it makes me feel human,it makes me feel alive.
I could have chose walking through my days with a pasted smile on my face and numbing sensations but I chose neither thankfully.I tried being normal.
Might have worked well enough if I try harder like all times.
Oh well,
I was already hoping,believing and living the faith I guarded so much and now,its nothing but remains of the desire I used to have.
Talk another time fucktards.
Take care,
*sighs*
Loves,Appreciate!
P.s:Hitting full stop at full force.