can't have you,really.

Tonight,I discovered plentiful of brilliant songs.
Songs from Iration,obviously;He Is We and Letters and Lights.
Too cool of a night.
Well,my day out with Sunny had been a plesant one.
Went from Orchard to Harbourfront just to waste time,talk and kick back.
Sunny told me earlier before we met that he didn't want to wear matching coloured clothes with me,but he ended up wearing the same colour as me.Whhaattaaffuucck.
We had dinner for the first time together,just us two.It wasn't awkward.It was friendly.
Har har har.
We didn't argue during dinner,I touched-accidentally bump into him like how I always do to my other mates a lot and that is the only part where he yells at me but other than that,things were fine.
Took photos and most with him smiling.lol.
It takes a lot to see Sunny smile in pictures,though it wasn't genuine,he still tried smiling anyway.
We were sitting at Vivo's rooftop-balcony according to him and I looked up to see gabazillion of stars looking down at me.I told him stars moved and he tried convincing me that it takes 4 billion light speed to even get the light to shine to earth and that it was impossible for stars to move and I swear it doesn't make any sense to me.har har har.

So,I got all these days all to myself.I want to meet my campus friends but I don't feel like it.I mean,I'm going to meet them in a couple of weeks anyway.Might as well build the "I miss you(s)" and vent them all over when we finally meet,no?But than again,I'm torn apart cause I have always lived my days by the quote "life is short" and like the conversation I had with Gui,I said "What if I don't live to see tomorrow?". So I don't know.
But one thing is for sure,I'm going to sleep in late to make up for all those loss sleep I had gone through thanks to CP.har har har.
Well,I'm going to have to start completing my skills next week.Though Its going to be a short one.I will have to try.

Oh man,I almost forgot today is Valentine's.
Who gives a fuck when you don't have someone to celebrate with huh?lol.
Basically,I've spent all these years(valentine's) with friends or with nobody.
So it makes no difference.And I was telling Farah "I don't need to celebrate love and glorify just a day,when I can have the other 364 days to share my love with everyone else." and that shut her up for a little but before she side tracked me to something else to argue over.
We best friends can get pretty diplomatic sometimes.Its unbelievable.
For those who care and even bother to read,
I miss swimming.I miss the feeling of being submerged in water.
I miss feeling the sudden cramps when I start diving underwater cause I couldn't be bothered to do my stretches beforehand and I miss my eyes stinging from the chlorinated water.

Lately,I can't help but think where and what am I going to do with life after I graduate which is in about a year,a short one.Should I continue being in a profession I don't quite enjoy as much as what I think I am made to do for?
I have this one person who agrees on my dream career,and who is always ready to back me up no matter what and he's not even family.
I am thinking this;I can't afford to waste my adult years in something which may or may not go well for myself.I need to start supporting my family.I need to back my pops up and let him and mom has their time as retirees.
I feel guilty going out,not earning my own dosh and asking mom for some.I am embarrassed if anything.Its scary growing up.I never thought it was going to be this hard.
I wonder how my parents lived their lives.

Well,I am quietly,actually yearning to run to someone and yearning for a tight warm hug.
The kind when I get am hours late and I pretend to rush to that someone waiting and gives a sorry sod look and making up with a warm fuzzy hug and a long kiss.
And after all these years,I figured,I fall for someone for being different.
For not being afraid to show themselves to the society regardless how stupid it might look.
When thing were through with me and you,I never regret anything.
I was proud of myself for taking a risk even though I know beforehand that the outcome was going to fail on me anyways.
I did not regret anything but one,I gave everything I trust myself with you.
You had me hanging on a noose and the day when thing were over,someone kicked the stool off my feet and I choked on the things I've lost,especially at the most crucial time of my life,important examination.
I didn't blame you on my academic failure,cause I have won life in a way too many at that point of time,being seventeen.
I still cry when I think about the times we had,I cry because we had been good friends,cause we shared almost everything,cause I almost let you meet my mom,cause you were so special in my life,cause you had been different and you showed me life could be anything I want it to be,cause the words you say made me sink in my seat,cause the promise you made was glued tightly in the pit of my heart and I'm still holding on to it,cause we didn't get that far for a night of foolishness,
cause you still remembered despite of months of being apart.
What does it all mean?
I have moved on,learnt what I should and I'm ready to go out there to look for another,not quite like you but almost as close.
And I will find it someday,I will find someone even though I still would want you to redeem those promises you made.
Someday.
In heaven,definitely not in hell.
Someday.
When you are sober enough to talk sense.
Someday.
If you ever still claim to think about me again.

Well,than,with a night as perfect as this,
I'm going to log off with many great wishes for a blissful Chinese New Year,and fucking Valentine's while I go off to Nana's for some family gathering .
:/

Catch up soon.
Love,Appreciate!
P.s:Does she understand you the way I do?