What was meant to be?

I had a lot going in my mind lately.
Its been quite a ride since i came back from Medan.
The day i cried my eyes out like never before.
I was tired,and upon hearing the news,it kind of sucked even more you know.
When you want to lie down completely,rested at home,you have to attend to a funeral for a person so dear to you.
Its so fucked up.
And when the whole thing was over and done.
I had a choice.
To live everyday being sad and down or to keep moving on right.
I could have chosen the first option like what i did back then and figured it got me into a lot of hell before so i chose the latter.
I find it a lot easier to be happy.To try and smile and still breathe easy.
Being upset makes me angry,and when i'm angry,I frown a lot though i do that on a daily basis.
lol.
Anyways,i was out with Mari again today.Went around on her bike in the rain and it was fucking cool.I meant the weather.the rain,the wind,the speed,the company it was bloody freezing.
I had fun as usual.Got something to bite and drink.
Got smokes too,so it was incredibly better.
And i appreciate those moments Mari baby,Loves!!
Hrmmn.
Life is incredibly cruel and pleasant that its impossible to make sense anymore.
This world has gone freaky freaky and i'm scared.
But for what its worth,i've got kick ass friends and family members around to accompany me along this freaky freaky paths in life.I will push through thorns,come what may and i will try and to endure pain as much as i can possibly could.
Well,it would be nicer if i had a romantic partner.
*covers face with hands*
I miss holding hands,
I miss hugging the opposite sex,
I miss sharing the food,the good and bad news,
I miss making plans for the future,
I miss kissing/make-fucking-out.
I miss having someone i can go to who can shake me on my shoulder when i don't feel like talking and than makes me irritated until i have to yell at the top of my lungs and let the stupid fights roll and making it up through tear stained eyes apologizing about something that doesn't have to do with the problem at all.
I miss the miss calls to show somebody i miss him,
I miss the few minutes of phone calls cause I'm too shy to talk on the phone for long,
I miss the "Hey hun,how are you today?"
I miss the "We'll name our kids ______ and we'll live in Malaysia so i can buy a plantation and we can eat food we grow."
I miss the fucking hours of train rides to meet that special somebody,
I miss looking into those eyes i fear,
I miss everything about being a couple.
Ok,fine i miss Seb.You fucks!
lol.
And i can't wait for him to come over again so i can fuck around with his company and get fucking high with amusement at the good times we're going to have.
Or not.
So hurry up and work hard babe,I can't wait to see you PROPERLY.
those web cam moments is getting on my nerves cause whenever you smile,i wish i could go up to you and give you a surprise kiss like what i did at Orchard.
Yes i remember it vividly.I know you do too.
I was such a whore.
A good one cause i fell for you.
Because you are,you.
To fuck!for those who gives a shit about your tin opener key chains,
To fuck!for those who gives a shit about your boots.
And sweetheart,i just miss you a lot and i don't know how i can live not keeping in touch with you after the split.
I miss you as a lover,i miss you more as a best friend.
:(:(
Won't you come back?Is it enough reasons to want you breathing the same air as i am?
lol.
*sighs out loud*
Cheese-us.
My fingers are numb from typing.Well,earthlings,
If you feel what i feel,and if the person is still around;
*TELL THEM YOU LOVE THEM,YOU APPRECIATE THEM,YOU WANT THEM IN YOUR LIFE AS LOVERS OR FRIENDS,WHATEVER.JUST FUCKING TELL THEM BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.DON'T BE A LOSER LIKE ME.
har har har.
take care,
Love,Appreciate!
P.s:I am this,because you lived.