Pop in those pills.

I didn't sleep the whole night.I simply can't.
So what did i do?
At 6:15 a.m,i decided to go out exercising with mom.I couldn't be bothered to run/jog so i walked briskly along side my mom.I just couldn't shut up.Hahaha.The morning air smelt good right until we were walking underneath the mango trees.It smelt like rotten mango mixed with warm milk which has been expired!lol.Disgusting.
After which,we went to the "gym" family area where we met mom's friends and all of us went to some nearby kopitiam to have a light breakfast.I couldn't be bothered to eat so i just drank iced milo munching on mom's buttered bread.lol!
By the time we got home,it was only 9:15,or somewhere there.lol.I headed for the bed and finally,i felt the desire to sleep!
I woke up at noon,ignoring Monty's text.lol.I stood her up today.She asked me to accompany her today to seek for a job but what do you say to an all night er girl who needs some shut eye huh?
lol.
And so,the solution to my insomnia is,being tired.
Extremely sore,knackered,dead beat kind of tired.So,yeah.hahaha.
Anyways,hours ago,i opened up some folders i've saved under "texts" and i was brought down to memory lane.I had tears in my eyes because of some heart felt words some friends,past lover and crushes has said.Hahaha.
It made me smile,frown and it certainly raised some eyebrows to the things i've said to them and vice versa.lol.
I realize i was pushing fate away from my life.I chose not to accept whats offered because i believed in reality.I can only fantasize but everybody knows that only reality and the end of the world can make sense.Not possibilities.Distance is a hindrance to my beliefs.I have an issue with trust.I am a lady of proof.If you're not there with me,than you can't assume.If you're not there with me,how can i call you mine.I need physical and emotional reassurance.I have a major case of anxiety and insecurity.Words and hugs is my cure.I did met someone with those abilities but i guess i let him slip by my fingers.I was too young,too confused,too rushed.I guess.
Nevertheless,i didn't regret.Broken hearts heal don't they?People don't have the choice but to move on with their lives picking up the bits and pieces which has fallen.To make things easier,use a vacuum right?
Well,what i'm trying to say is,i never gave the opposite sex a chance.
When things between Seb and i were over,i seek for love in friends,family and interest.Opposite sex is seen like friends,only.I can have gabazillion of crushes,white,black,Malay,Indians,Chinese or whatever race they can be but a genuine love feeling for the opposite sex seems non-existent for me.
Its like i stopped believing someone can truly love me for me,like how he did..
I have this hindrance in myself that i don't even know myself.Its just the way i feel for myself.
Its between self-pity and low self-esteem.hahaha.
Whatever,i shouldn't care about this for now.
I need to channel all my focus and attention to my GP attachment which is in two weeks.
I'm excited yet nervous and there is a little bit of fear.
i hope this is normal.
Anywho,i need to go now.
Got to shower and leave house in a bit.
So to all,take care.
Love,Appreciate!