But this time its a little more intense than it should be.
The start of the week,Monday,i shed some unexpected tears on the way to the lecture hall.
The days ahead,my emotions was running wild.I was feeling mostly down,it wasn't my normal self.
Wednesday,i had a slight fell out with a few new good friends.again,my emotions got the best out of me and i let a few of them down.I acted like a fucking jerk.What happened?
They played a silly trick on me,knowing how much bugs irks me,they said there was something on my back and naturally,i freaked out,screaming and running like a lunatic and than one of them goes on flipping out the camera and making me the clown of the day when i wasn't in the mood for anything generally.So i stood up,picked up my bag and walked myself home.One of them tried to talk me out of it and how i should get over it and that she's sorry but i shouted at her and i was so close to hitting her but i didn't want to further complicate things and i told her to get out of my way and apparently,she shed some water-works.
Im sure that that was the first time i had reacted the way i did to my friend(s).Regardless old or new friends.Usually,when i'm angry or pissed,i'll just shut myself up and do my thing but in that incident,i guess there was too much on my mind and i vent it out by walking away and yelling at a friend.The point is,that was my first time dissing on my friends like that.The feeling wasn't great i must say.I ended up feeling really bad about it at night and apologized anyway and the best part is,on the next day,things was so awkward that i felt like i could disappear right there and then.
In conclusion,i realize the chaos made was due to one person.Seb.
I'm not blaming him for how the things had been like for this week but he contributed to my disastrous emotional breakdown.
What he said,the things he did,how he reacted reminded me of the 1001 things we used to have and experienced back when we were together,when we met last week.
Its so hard to explain the feeling.
Its just the feeling where nobody can describe.
And to make things worst,i heard the most horrible news from a person close to my heart.
She's so important that i couldn't describe it in words and when she told me that she is sick,it really breaks my heart into a gabazillion pieces.Sick as in possible death threatening kind of sickness.
I just lost it that night she told me.Million of things ran through my mind.
I suddenly had flash-backs on the silly,fun and stupid things we used to do together.
Like a black and white film.
I asked myself questions like;
-"who else am i suppose to go have long walks with?"
-"who else can make fun of me but still constantly knows how to make me laugh and smile?"
-"who else would know my strengths and weaknesses?"
-"who else can i turn to for my problems which i refuse to share but i'm ever so glad she's there with me cause despite the long silence,it never fails to comfort me?"
I was in a state of shock.I couldn't form the right words to say to her for my response to her health status.I just asked is she was serious and i had a sharp come-back.
I feel so pressurized right now with everything and it just seems to not go away.
First,its the case of the come-back of an ex,and than the falling-out friendship,and my better half is down with a sickness which might take her away from me and tomorrow is my bloody Exams.
If my head could explode,i think it would.
But,i got to regain back my composure.I have to pretend that things isn't as bad as it seems.
I will be ok.
till then,Take care.
Love,Appreciate!
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